He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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