His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize