I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
