dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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