I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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