nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
