my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
