Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
