My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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