R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
