My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
