saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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