I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
