just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
