hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
