I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
