Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
