You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
