Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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