While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize