If that was your dad, he is hot
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
