There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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