i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
