I didn't shave. On purpose
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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