FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
