Whod you bang
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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