I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
