tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
