The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
