Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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