Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
