i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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