You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
