It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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