Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
