Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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