There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
