Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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