You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
