did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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