i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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