I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
