And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
