Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
