Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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