Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
