Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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