The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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