what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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