dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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