That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
