Tell her she can't have a vagina
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
