I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize