Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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