I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is wine microwaveable?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
