By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
