I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
