omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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