i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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