my phone needs a breathalizer
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
