My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
