FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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