Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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