Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
