how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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