it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
