We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's shark week go big or go home
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
