i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
