guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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