I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
