So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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