I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
