I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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