We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
