So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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