i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
