i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize