omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
