I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
