I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
