My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
