Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
