I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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