...so i touched it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
