If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
