I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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