Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I smell like Dick and happiness
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