Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
