just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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