stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
