Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
