When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
