No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
