It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
