now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
