i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
