How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
