glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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