So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
