Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
