I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
