Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
