Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
