his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
