How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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