Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
