I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize