Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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