So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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