Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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