I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
